Working Mom

This is a topic I've been meaning to write on for a very long time. The truth about it is that its hard. So very hard. It is difficult both physically and emotionally/psychologically to balance career and family. If I had to choose one I'd stay at home with my sweet guy every day. But the reality is that it may never be a reality for me to do so. And its not that I don't enjoy my job, because I do. I like where I work, the people I work with, and the job that I do. I enjoy the opportunity to get out of the house, have adult time, contribute to society, and contribute to the household finances. I just wish that this didn't have to come at the expense of my time with my son. I find it upsetting to have to hand my child over to a person who will never do as good a job of taking care of him as I will. I hate that such a significant portion of my paycheck goes toward paying someone to do a job that I'd much rather be doing myself. I remember the anguish I felt in my heart that first time I had to leave him at daycare. People kept telling me that it gets easier, and its true to a certain extent. I still miss him just the same as I did that very first day, but you get better at controlling the emotion of it all and going through your day. If I could have one super power it would not be anything flashy like the power of flight, super strength, or super speed. Instead it would be the power to never have a physiological need for sleep. That way I could stay home all day with my sweet guy, being the "perfect" stay at home mom. Then, when he's safely tucked away in his bed for the night I could go to work and be home in time for him to wake up in the morning and do it all over again. Sounds feasible, right? I'm not going to lie, this super power only occurred to me while reading the Twilight series. But I don't have any particular interest in being immortal either. ;) Sigh. What makes it worse is that we have had a very difficult time finding daycare that we feel comfortable with and it seems we will be moving on, for the second time now, to a new care provider. I do hope that the 'third times the charm' so to speak. If there is one thing that this has taught me its that I will never feel comfortable planning to bring another life into this world until we are at a place in our lives where we can provide care for that child within our own home. Whether it be that I stay at home or our work schedules are as such that we can always coordinate one of us being here for him. All I know is that I cannot do this again.