So over the last week we've been telling our extended families, close friends, and work associates. Everyone has been really excited for us. Very, very few people knew about our m/c or that we were trying.
Something that really strikes me is how people will say things that are so stupid or offensive. For some reason people have been inclined to ask "Were you trying?" or "Was it a suprise?"
Seriously? So basically they want to know if I'm irresponsible and accidentially got pregnant. Nice. Its even more offensive when you'd been trying your a$$ off to get pregnant and maintain a healthy pregnancy.
I've found that in general I'm really sensitive to things people say to me related to pregnancy. I don't think that anybody is intentially trying to upset me, but when you've been through a lot of sadness and disappointment surrounding pregnancy its hard not to. I have a friend at work who knows about my m/c and whenever I express any concern or anxiety regarding pregnancy she always has to reference the fact that her sister had a m/c so when she herself got pregnant she was really worried too. I just find that offensive...to have somebody who hasn't even come close to experiencing what you've experienced try to pretend like they know what you're going through. Knowing somebody who had a m/c does NOT equal having a m/c yourself. Plain and simple. Thats patronizing and offensive. Stop it. Not cool. She doesn't get it.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I Told
Posted by Mrs KS at 6:46 PM
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2 comments:
This post is SO what I have been thinking and feeling. A lot of people knew about my m/c and I get the question "Well, is everything going OK this time?" I hate that question!
Yeah people think that if things are going well then they'll continue to go well and there's no way anything bad will happen and theres no reason for us to be worried. Unless you've been through a m/c I don't think you can truely understand the long-term effects or the psychology behind it. My newest annoyance is people given unsolicited parenting advice. First of all I don't want it period, and second I still cannot actually imagine myself being a parent to an actual child. I don't let myself get that far in my mind. Defense mechanism I guess. I have a hard time imagining myself having a baby I get to keep forever.
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