I POAS Today

Yeah...I really did. Okay, so the universe in general likes to make me eat my own words I guess. All the complaining I did about my ironically regular cycles has come back to bite me in the butt. I have been charting on fertility friend just to keep track of things (not temping, just CM and AF so I can get a rough idea of when I ovulate and how long my cycles are) and since AF returned things have been freakishly regular. I've been getting EWCM on CD 12, 13, 14 and AF has been showing up right on time. Things were so predictable and consistent that we felt confident in using protection (condoms) only during my fertile times. (I know, I know...stupid...) And I'm not going to lie...we may have gotten carried away and not been as careful as we should have been. And I'm not going to lie some more...I've had baby fever since AF returned and I think my Ute may be poisoning my better judgment. Things had been right on schedule this month, EWCM on days 12, 13, and 14...my period was due Thursday or Friday of this past week. I swear I felt it coming. But then nothing. Nothing. Oh crap! I kept feeling like it was about to start, I'd go to the bathroom to check and again and again nothing! I wouldn't say that I'm having any outright obvious pregnancy symptoms...not like I did with DS...but then again people always say that each pregnancy is so different and of course your body changes so much after giving birth, and I'm still nursing so that might make a difference. I don't think I'm pregnant. Uh I don't know! My poor husband is so freaked out. He's never going to sleep with me again. He went out and got some HPTs and I took one this morning. BFN. He got some random store brand tests that are + or - signs and say you can use them as soon as the day of your missed period. I usually buy First Response that can be used up to 6 days before your missed period. I don't know if thats really legitimate or makes any difference. Still no sign of AF. So when we went out for groceries today I picked up a pack of First Response and am going to test tomorrow morning with FMU. I would love to have another LO but the timing is just not right. Of course if I am pregnant we will make it work and I will love the baby just like I love DS, but it would definitely make things much harder than if we wait a little while longer. As much as I want to avoid hormonal birth control I told DH last night that if I'm not pregnant maybe I should just go back on the pill. Its not worth making ourselves crazy like this. I can't believe I'm even posting this. I'll report back tomorrow morning after I POAS again.