Next Time

My mom once told me that when she was pregnant with my sister and I she and my dad did not tell anyone that they were expecting until she was 12 weeks along. She said that there was a woman in her office who announced her pregnancy very early, ended up losing the baby, and then had to “untell” everyone. She said that she did not want to have to go through the untelling, should anything happen. I didn’t think this was bad advice, so when DH and I found out we were pregnant we decided to keep it under wraps until we’d made it to the 2nd trimester. It was really hard not to tell my mom, but I managed to bite my tongue. At one point we were talking on the phone about a family friend who was pregnant and had announced her pregnancy early. My mom brought up the above story. So I innocently asked if she herself had kept the good news from even her father, and she said yes. I was fishing for a reason to tell her early, but still I bit my tongue. After our 1st doctors appointment where we had our not-so-hopeful first ultrasound we immediately drove to my parents house and told my mom. I knew that I was going to need her support. For a split second, after I told her I was pregnant but before I told her we were probably going to lose the baby, this look of genuine joy and excitement flashed across her face. If only for a moment. And that moment breaks my heart. Now, more than a month later, I realized that for over a month we kept our good news from our families, and in the end we ultimately ended up having to untell them anyway. The only difference was that had we told them initially they could have spent that month sharing in our joy and excitement. Instead, in a way we took that from them and they only got to experience the sorrow. Next time we will not make that mistake with our families. I hope there is a next time.