When I lost my baby it was like somebody stabbed me in the heart with a knife. It didn’t kill me, but it hurt so bad that I wished it had. I’ve done what I can to remove the knife, but it seems that its there to stay, a permanent part of me that I get to carry around for the rest of my life. The longer its there the less acutely it aches. But sometimes it gets twisted.
My first day back to work after my miscarriage I open up my little pocket notebook that I carry around with me. Inside on the first page I find two lists. One list is of baby girl names, the other is of baby boy names. Twist. My manager, 8 ½ months pregnant, approaches me to see how I’m doing. Her giant belly impossible to ignore. Twist. My second day back to work one of my patient’s asks me if I’m married. I tell him that I just got married in May. “No kiddies yet then?” he asks. Twist. I log onto facebook and there staring me in the face is a video of an old childhood friend’s 20 week ultrasound. Twist.
Twist. Twist. Twist.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Twisting the Knife
Posted by Mrs KS at 4:39 AM
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3 comments:
I am so sorry. I know how hard today was on you.
Even almost a year later since my first miscarriage I still feel the twisting at times.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
*Hugs*
I am so sorry you had to experience the loss of your baby...today is exactly 3 months since I lost my little one at 8 weeks. I know how hard it is and I hope you find comfort as the days go on. *hugs to you*
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